My only concern is that studies of this topic are consistent: Incest is by far the most common type of child abuse in the home. According to the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, 11% of all rape victims were raped by a father or stepfather. On the positive side, stepfather-stepson incest is one of the smallest occurrences of incest in the home. (Most occurrences of incest are, in order, (1) stepfather/stepdaughter followed by (2) stepmother and stepson/daughter.)

It sounds like your new husband is loving, attentive, and ready to be a real father to your son. Most stepfathers — many hundreds of thousands of stepfathers — are good fathers to their stepchildren. I don’t know your husband at all — I can only say Trust your instincts, and Watch your child’s relationship with his stepfather. Your instincts can help protect your child if he’s ever abused by anyone, and they can also help protect your husband if all is well. Err on the side of protecting your child.

Things are fine right now, and if you’ve married a great guy who’s looking to be a good father, they will always be fine. You can monitor their relationship without hurting your husband or impairing the father/son relationship in any way. But if, by some chance, anything ever turns “hinky” between your husband and son, don’t dismiss it on the basis that their relationship has been good in the past. Always take in the signs and quality of their relationship in the present.

I have no personal knowledge of your situation, your husband, your ex, or your son. So I can only give the general advice above on watching the stepfather/stepson relationship and trusting your own instincts as an observant mother. I’d refer you back to the post on this blog entitled “Profile of a Child Molester,” which includes a list of signs and symptoms that can show in children who are being (or have been) victimized. It sounds like you’ve already read it. You might also check the blogroll for some resources on incest and child molesting, and do an Internet search for stepfather + incest if you want to know more. In the meantime, based on the current available evidence you’ve presented to me, it’s positive now to support your husband and encourage his relationship with his new little son. It sounds like it’s good for both of them.

If perpetration produces perpetrators, and women cases outnumber men 4 to 5 times, then somebody tell me why the numbers of sexual assault cases won’t increase even more dramatically, without unbias in the way sexual assault is treated both in the mental health system and in the courts.

From my standpoint as a female perpetrated male victim, unwilling disclosure to a social worker at the tender age of 41, has been more traumatizing than the original rape. From the resultant guilt producing right wing church (koo koo ka choo Mrs. Robinson), to the outright danger from the female ’specialty’ domestic violence and rape crisis counselors (tracked as a potential rapist), the pain of living a life time from having your soul sexually violated, has been far and again superseded by the pain from society post disclosure.

It sure would be nice if there were professional mental health services available for men in the female predominated industry, let alone safety and freedom outside ones home in such a sexualized anti-male society.
But at any rate, I know the issue of sexual assault, including that of females, takes a back seat to other far more pressing issues like reproductive rights or promotion of sexual education classes to teach the proper technique for rolling on a latex condom to 8′th graders.
Tom S. in Tn.